Wow… I am Actually Free…

Wrote this post sitting in Sheri’s Restaurant. The first time in years that I’d written into a notebook rather than directly to my computer… I started writing a bit after 6 am… when I stopped it was after 11 am. To say it’s rather long would be the understatement of the year…

Shipped Grizzy to his new forever home this morning. I’ll miss hiss happy face. However; I know he is going to a wonderful home filled with love and 3 Pom playmates.

Had to be at the airport at 5 a.m. to make his 6 a.m. flight. Sent him in a larger crate than had planned; but it worked out better for him anyway. So that was a good thing. As I set here writing this he is arriving in Denver, then heading on to Texas then New York.

Full day ahead. I stopped at Shari’s for breakfast before I started the rest of my errands in Scottsbluff. Strong hot coffee and a good breakfast. Great way to fuel the day. Frankly after this breakfast I won’t be, needing much more “fuel” for the entire day. Lol.

The past few days have been tension filled and trying. It was wonderful to sit down and enjoy my breakfast in peace.

Whatever real or manufactured crisis’s that comes up will just have to be handled (or not) by those directly involved.

Oh, and yes my cell phone is shut off as I am writing this. I’m actually writing in a notebook. As in a spiral paper notebook, lol. It’s been a very long time since I’ve done this. Usually I sit at my computer and write.

That has been a major challenge since April 14th. The day my mom’s house burned down and we brought her to live with us.

She has needed a lot of care and attention. Which;’ has been a major adjustment for the both of us.

This has been quite the interesting year. I think it’s a Chinese proverb that says “may you lie in interesting times”. Not sure if that’s a curse or a blessing, lol.

This year has certainly been “interesting”.

Late March: 2nd major blizzard of the winter- Had to pull the entire kennel inside. Snow drifts buried the fences (fences are 52 inches high) and outside yards. Dug dog houses out so could take dogs in. The dog houses are 52 in high, 4 ft wide, 7 ft long. BURRIED. Thankfully, they were dry inside.

Fell off a snow drift, injured my right leg. Unable to bend knee. Muscles so traumatized and swollen from glutes to heel that the leg wouldn’t work. Hyper extended knee, and knocked it out laterally as well. Took several months of healing and rehabbing to bring leg back into normal function. Knee is still questionable (11/16/09) when it comes to getting down on hands and knees.

First week in April. Third major blizzard of the season. Using hinged brace to hold knee. Kneel has to be taken care of. David (husband) is gone on railroad ¾ of the time, and exhausted when is actually home.

April 14th, 2009 – House fire. Good by 100 years of accumulated memorabilia. Good by to mom’s house pets-they burned. Nearly, good by to mom. The neighbors saw the fire when putting their kids to bed. Jumped the fences, broke in the door, and grabbed mom. Put her in a broken power wheel chair and drug her outside. No one knew the wheel chair was broken. Her home, her birds, her dogs, everything she had; burned. Mom went into shock. The pain and loss of her pets and home too much for her to bear. She lost the ability to move her legs, lost her comprehension, and slipped into a severe depression. It was questionable as to whether she would survive the emotional trauma, let alone recover. (A Dear friend named Pat Munn, was invaluable help during this time. Frankly I don’t think I could have kept mom here without her aid. – and in the state she was in I don’t believe she would have survived a transfer to a nursing home)

Mom is still unable to stand, has severe swelling in her legs and feet; however she can move her feet and I heard her humming a tune yesterday. She has become very close with one of our house babies. She and Peanut have adopted each other. I think this has played a major part in her recovery process thus far.

May 2009 – Aunt Marty died. She was mom’ older sister. A great lady indeed.

After mom’s house burned and she came to be with us. Her brother, Clarence, who lived on the same acreage slipped into a depression, then dementia, had a hellish several months and died. This was in August.

Mom is now the only sibling still living. She had 1 sister and 5 brothers. Martha B.-(Aunt Marty), Eugene –(Unk), Clarence-(Stubby), Delbert-(Buss), Dale, Jim.

Throughout all tis my husband’s blood sugar has been all over the place. Too high, then way too low. Three times he’s crashed and I’ve brought him back out of an extreme sugar low. Cold skin, soaked in sweat, fixed pupils, confused, comprehension lacking or gone. No memory of event after necessary blood sugar levels restored. Yes I bring him back. Bu I always wonder… what if I miss it. What if I’m gone or sleep through it. Why is this happening at home, and not at work? Ah ha! He’s not taking his insulin at work.

I’ve shut down my business, for the most part, for another year. This year. Of course the overhead continues; whether you have sales or not. Ask any small business person; they’ll tell you.

Year before last I stepped into a rescue operation that I mistakenly thought would take a month or two. It turned into a 2 year nightmare. I felt sorry for the dogs so I said yes when I was asked to take responsibility for their care. OMG!!!!!!!!!

It was a nightmare getting rid of the vermin they were infested with; fleas, and a variety of nasty worms. Fencing climbing, biting Feral dogs scared out of their minds.

Most of them are placed now. All to f the infestation is gone. YAY!!!!!!!! Cedarcide kills fleas, as well as their miserable nasty eggs, in case any one needs help with that. It actually works better than everything else I tried. Believe me I tried all the typical remedies. Goodwinol shampoo has cedar oil in it now too. Does a fine job on the miserable little monsters.

I so HATE FLEAS! The rescue operation blew our dog numbers up over 200. That is way way way too many. Never Again!

I’ll help if possible, but I WILL NOT bring a mess of dogs on property again! EVER!

I was a good hearted fool! People I thought I could count on; I found out I could not. The emotional blackmail made a very difficult situation absolutely horrendous. No more!

The situation was complicated and exacerbated by a crushing back injury. It was questionable as to whether I would be walking; or be confined to a wheel chair. Back surgery was recommended, but with so many dogs counting on me for feed, water, etc. It was an untenable option. (August 2008) With the help of a very good chiropractor the pressure on my spinal cord was relieved and the business of rebuilding my core muscles continued.

It was made very clear that physically I could not continue as I had been.

On a positive note; there was a person that stepped up and helped greatly to sort out the nightmarish situation. She worked tirelessly coordinating the placement of these poor dogs. Frankly I don’t know what I would have done without her.

Back to this year (2009).
June 2009- Dad came to visit from Minnesota. It was great to see him. We snatched some moments in the evenings to sit in the zero gravity chairs out under the evergreen tree. Drank hot black coffee, smoked a cigar and visited. Good memories. Pop is 82. There is some kind of knot on the base of his skull behind an ear that he refuses to have checked out. His choice. I hope we are able to see each other again in this life.

David was on vacation in June. He slept the most of it. I spoke with out doctor about it. She said the exhaustion is a result of the instability in his blood sugar levels.

A few days ago David came home from work with an ashen look to his face. He told me there had been an accident on the rail. The first question I asked was “was anyone killed?” This time the answer was yes. A man David had known and worked with for over 30 years had died on the rail that day.

Every day David goes to work I wonder if he is coming home alive. That day the answer for that man’s family was no. No more: friend, no more husband, dad, granddad.

Then I thought of the conductor and engineer that were on the train that hit him. His death they will carry with them always. Even-though, there was absolutely nothing they could do to prevent it.

Now bring on the crap letter from Susan Dennis. This is not an – Oh poor me I got a crap letter from a loathsome person thing.

That crap letter actually jump started a thought process. Looks like all things have their purpose, even though it can be difficult to see it at the time.

I know what was written was false. I know that she is an irrational abuser from past experiences with her.

Something is off here. Why was there such a strong reaction in me?! It’s not because she is important to me. Truth be told I care nothing for the woman. I’d rather she was not in my son’s life, but that is not my choice.

She is about as significant as an annoying house fly that was smashed by the flyswatter on a white cabinet.

So, what’s the friggin deal?!

Maybe the reaction that letter elicited in me is due to my history of growing up with a verbally/emotionally occasionally physically abusive uncle. Never knew when he would go off. Try to run your horse down with a truck, beat your dog to death, slam you on the floor, scream at you till you couldn’t think. It was never the same from day to day. One moment he was John Wayne in a great old western, the hero! The next he was Freddy Krueger on a bad acid trip!

Mom was no slouch with the verbiage or the switch whip either. Or a horse halter when it was handy.

No clear boundaries other than do what I say when I say it. Whether you understand what I said or not.

Then deny it. It never happened. Really? Then why is the dog dead, and where did the bruises and welts come from? But you are my family, you couldn’t have done that. You love me, I must have deserved it. I must have done something wrong. I must be Responsible!

Doesn’t matter what it is. I am responsible. There must be something I can do to make things better. To make you happy. To take care of you.

*****
There is a dog starving in China.
I’m responsible!

There is a cat run over by a car in Georgia.
I’m responsible!

My mother’s house burned.
I’m responsible!

My Adult Step daughter hates.
I’m responsible!

The world is going to end in 2012.
I’m responsible!

Facebook is slow today.
I’m responsible!

My husband’s blood sugar is out of whack.
I’m responsible!

My husband has a temper tantrum.
I’m responsible!

You are not happy with your financial situation.
I’m responsible!

Your adult kids are hitting you up for money.
I’m responsible!

It snowed and ruined your plans.
I’m responsible!

***** What Friggin Hubris!
Know what, I’m responsible for everything and everyone.

No wonder I’ve been having anxiety, panic attacks, mood-swings, suicidal depression over the years.

Good grief. Yeah that’s it. I gave myself a good – as in very large- amount of grief. Emotional pain and frustration galore.

An “interesting year” and a crap letter led to an epiphany!

Guess what?! I am not all powerful. I am NOT the fix it all lady!

I have been given a wonderful gift. All of that weight; the weight of responsibility for everything and everyone has fallen off.

To all those that have taken advantage of my erroneous sense of responsibility. Guess what?! It’s bloody well over!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow… I am actually free…

I am free to enjoy my life. Without the guilt of other people’s choices.

I am responsible for my life.
I am responsible for my choices.

You are responsible for your life.
You are responsible for your choices.

You are responsible to teach your children – and set them free to live their adult lives and make their own choices.

Some things just are what they are.

I am free to live!
I am free to live in JOY!

You can be free Too!

Life is a journey, lighten the load and the hike is much more pleasurable…

Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream in Wyomiing.
Happy Healthy Hairballs: Otherwise known as Beautiful Pomeranians
Independent Team Beachbody Coach: Helping you help yourself.
307.788.0202

Hateful Rantings of an Abusive Woman: Susan Dennis

Unfortunately, Yes some women are abusers too.

Yesterday we, as in my husband, David and I received a bit of the worst behavior from a person I had not spoken with, nor had contact with since the last spate of nasty letters. Last time it was in email form right about the same time of year. Actually in her previous attack she waited until after Thanksgiving to start her tirade. This tirade took place in 2005; while I was recovering from prolonged life threatening illness and the resulting major surgery. Frankly it caught me totally off guard, and I made the mistake of trying to have a reasonable conversation with her.

Major mistake; it is impossible to have a reasonable conversation with a person that is totally unreasonable. Previously as in this time there were no conversations leading up to her irrational attack. Just the attack; and the resulting emotional turmoil.

This time, as in last time, she requested that I keep her tirade a secret. Foolishly last time I did not publish her behavior. In keeping her secret I inadvertently enabled her to repeat her behavior without fear of exposure. I foolishly thought by simply having no contact with this person I could avoid her abusive behavior. I was wrong.

One of my friends asked me a very valid question; and suggested a course of action. “Why should you be complicit in her abuse of you? I’d publish the letter verbatim and give her full credit.” She was right, by keeping her secret I was being complicit.

I thought about this throughout the day and following night. I reread the tirade. Starting to think oh well let it go maybe it will go away. No it won’t it escalates. Sadly this seems to be typical behavior in people on the receiving end of abuse. Myself included.

That maybe it will change, or maybe it will go away or they didn’t really mean to be abusive. Whether it’s verbal, emotional, or physical abuse; it does not just go away. By the way, they did mean it. Every bit of it.

By keeping her “secret” I put myself in the position of victim to her abuse. No thank you. I will not empower this abusive person. Just as I am responsible for my words and actions. She is responsible for her words and actions.

Here is her hateful libelous abuse in her own handwriting. With my response following.

What she says in her irrational rant is untrue. Yes, I can prove that her tirade is untrue.

This hateful person’s name is:
Susan Dennis
2317 East C Street
Torrington, WY 82240
307-532-3732

If you have dealings with this person. Keep in mind that the person you are really dealing with; behind the smiling mask, is the person that wrote the following hateful letter.

Sadly this ranting person is my youngest step-son’s mother-in-law.

I refuse to be the victim: to her abusive bullying behavior. Oh and by the way. No I will not be baited into a physical confrontation.

Her unprovoked irrational attack makes me concerned for my son and daughter-in-law.

The truly sad thing is that our wonderful son has Huntingtons. We love him very much. He always has been and always will be welcome in our home.

There is also a comment regarding my mother. My mother’s home burned to the ground in April of this year. It was a total loss. This home had been in our family for over 100 years. No there was no insurance. My mom lost everything in this fire, home, personal property, family photos, her beloved pets. She has since been living with us. As a result of the stress of the fire she has lost the ability to transfer herself from wheel chair to chair etc. On a bright note she is now able to move her feet, so we have high hopes that she will be able to stand again. She is 82 years of age.

Right click on the photo and open it in a new tab or new window and it will enlarge to full size. I scanned her letter so there could be no question as to the author of said disturbed missive.

Page one of Susan Dennis’s irrational abusive tirade:

Page 2 of Susan Dennis’s abusive unprovoked tirade:

My Response:

Enough! I will not keep your secret. I will not be your victim!

True enough, this attack has saddened me.

It brings to mind a very difficult transition for my step daughter; Donna.  She had a very difficult time adjusting when her father and I were married in 1991. She was a young adult at that time. She has since moved to another city and is raising her two wonderful boys.

I can’t help but wonder what the logic behind Susan Dennis’s  attack is. If there is any at all. I have had very little contact with this woman over the years. Frankly I’ve avoided her like the plague. Who knows perhaps that is part of the problem. In truth I’ve avoided her because of her behavior. She does not have to like me. If she wants to burn up energy hating me that is her choice. It really makes no difference to me.

However I will not condone Susan Dennis’s behavior by keeping it secret. I will not allow her to abuse me or victimize me.

I chose to not be a victim. If someone is abusing you. You do not deserve it! It is not your fault. Get help!

Victim-Assistance Online www.vaonline.org
Victim Assistance Online is a reference, resource and networking centre for international victim assistance community, including victim assistance …

Life is a journey, how you live it is your choice. You can choose to not be a victim!  I choose to not allow a hateful woman steal my dream.

Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream in Wyoming
Beautiful Pomeranians
Independent Beachbody Coach: Fighting Obesity One Person at a Time
307.788.0202

I do not believe I would have been so gracious

The video clip is from the Passion of the Christ. I haven’t worn a cross since I watched it. I don’t know that I ever will again.

Considering what He could have done, and what He chose to do instead; I am amazed. I am thankful for His sacrifice. Yet, it was a very good thing that it was not me. Perhaps that is why I am still here in this life; rather than home.

I do not believe I would have been so gracious

more about “I do not believe I would have been so…“, posted with vodpod

 

My Savior Loves My Savior Lives Lyrics by Casting Crowns

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior

I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus (2x’s)
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior’s always there for me
My God: He was, my God; He is
My God is always gonna be

Yes, living, dying, let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring;
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus (2x’s)
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior’s always there for me
My God: He was, my God; He is
My God is always gonna be

(Instrumental)

Chorus: (2x’s)
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior’s always there for me
My God: He was, my God; He is
My God is always gonna be

My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior loves, My Savior lives

****************
Life is a journey, because of His Sacrifice I am free to be.

Mary E. Robbins

Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream in Wyoming
Beautiful Happy Healthy Hairballs: Otherwise Known as Pomeranians
Independent Team Beachbody Coach: Fighting Obesity One Person at a Time
307.788.0202

A Record You Can Believe in: Barack Obama

I saw a link to this article on my facebook page. It struck a chord with me. Today must be my political day. Actually I read some rabid political nonsense this morning and it stuck in my throat; so to speak. So political articles and such are jumping out at me today. I found this to be very interesting and worth a repost. I hope you find it informative as well.

Life is a journey, some days are real trips
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream in Wyoming
Beautiful Pomeranians
Independent Beachbody Coach: Fighting Obesity One Person at a Time.

RealClearPolitics – A Record You Can Believe In
By Eugene Robinson

WASHINGTON — It’s been a year since a healthy majority of American voters elected Barack Obama to change the world. Which is precisely what he’s doing.

Like many people who desperately want to see the country take a more progressive course, I quibble and quarrel with some of President Obama’s actions. I wish he’d been tougher on Wall Street, quicker to close Guantanamo, more willing to investigate Bush-era excesses, bolder in seeking truly universal health care. I wish he could summon more of the rhetorical magic that spoke so compellingly to the better angels of our nature.

But he’s a president, not a Hollywood action hero. Most of my frustration is really with the process of getting anything done in Washington, which is not something Obama can unilaterally change, nimbly circumvent or blithely ignore. One thing the new administration clearly did not anticipate was that Republicans in Congress would be so consistently and unanimously obstructionist — or that Democrats would have to be introduced to the alien concept of party discipline. It took the White House too long to realize that bipartisanship is a tango and that there’s no point in dancing alone.

Step back for a moment, though, and look at Obama’s record so far. His biggest accomplishment has been keeping the worst financial and economic crisis in decades from turning into another Great Depression. Yes, the $787 billion stimulus package was messy, but most economists believe it was absolutely necessary — and some believe it should have been even bigger. Yes, Obama continued the Bush-era policy of showering irresponsible financial institutions with billions in public funds. Yes, the administration bailed out the auto industry — and we actually heard the president of the United States reassure Americans that General Motors warranties would be honored.

But these and other actions convinced the financial markets that the White House would do anything to avoid a complete meltdown. The economy grew at a rate of 3.5 percent in the third quarter and, while unemployment may not yet have peaked, the odds of a strong and fairly swift recovery have greatly improved.

Responding to the crisis required creating an enormous fiscal deficit that Obama will spend years trying to cut down to size. But not even the most conservative economists recommend attacking the deficit before the economy is stabilized on a path of growth. Only Republican demagogues think that’s a good idea.

On national security, Obama moved at once to categorically renounce torture — a big step toward removing the ugly stain that George W. Bush and Dick Cheney left on our national honor. It looks as if Obama will miss his self-imposed one-year deadline for closing the Guantanamo prison, but a delay of a few weeks or months will be worth it if the administration succeeds in developing a comprehensive legal framework — consistent with our ideals and traditions — for bringing terrorism suspects to justice.

Obama should have supported a full-blown investigation into apparent Bush-era violations of national and international law. And, at a minimum, he should allow the limited torture probe ordered by Attorney General Eric Holder to follow the evidence wherever it might lead.

But at least the administration is on schedule in withdrawing combat troops from Iraq. I don’t think Obama knows the right answer on Afghanistan; I’m not sure anybody does.

Obama’s months in office have been so action-packed that it’s easy to forget some of the historic steps he has taken: Nominating Justice Sonia Sotomayor, the first Hispanic, to the Supreme Court. Going to Egypt and speaking directly to the Muslim world about cooperation rather than conflict. Embracing multilateralism as the template for U.S. foreign policy in the new century. Accepting the scientific consensus on climate change. Investing in “green” jobs and education reform as key engines of economic development.

And then there’s health care reform. I’ve been impatient with Obama’s strategy of letting Congress take the lead on writing legislation, but he’s brought us to the brink of truly meaningful reform much faster than anyone could have imagined a year ago. We still have some fighting to do over two words — “public” and “option” — but it looks clear that the principle that everyone is entitled to health insurance, a Democratic Party goal for at least six decades, is about to become law.

Quite a record for 287 days: All that, and a Nobel Peace Prize, too.

//

eugenerobinson @washpost.comreposted from: Real Clear Politics

realclearpolitics.com/articles/2009/11/03/a_record_you_can_believe_in_98992.html

A woman’s view on health care reform

more about "A woman’s view on health care reform", posted with vodpod

The video is from First Lady Michelle Obama, the following post is my writing. Full of my opinions and such.

Over the past 10 years health care has become a predominant issue in our lives. Now all in all we have good insurance. If there is such a thing. Even with the insurance it was a major financial struggle to not declare bankruptcy.

This year has brought the inconsistencies from state to state to the forefront of my mind. After my mom’s house burned down. I looked at having her placed on our insurance. Can we say pre-existing conditions. Totally pointless. Every issue she has is a pre-existing condition, she is 82 years of age. Yes she has medicare. She is also on an extremely limited income.

We are working with the state programs to supplement her insurance. She wants to retain at least a semblance of independence.

Insurance, needs to be consistent from state to state. What is available, what isn’t. The way things are set up now is a confusing nightmare.

Another instance. A friend of mine that lives in Montana. Her first name happens to be the same as mine, Mary. Mary F lost her husband a couple of years ago after difficult illness. Now she is on her own. She is running her own small business, receiving a bit of a social security check from her husband’s income, and tending bar as well. This is a proactive, woman that takes care of business. Not a sit and whine take care of me woman. She is not eligible or medicare, and can not afford insurance coverage.

This past year she became ill and had to have surgery. Now she is being hounded for the medical bills. She is already paying them 400.00 per month and they are hounding her non stop. She is facing medical bankruptcy. This is just wrong!

Case after case after case of the same kind of crap! OMG, can we say price gouging! If you look for any supplies for senior care or for disabled people suddenly the prices are multiplied drastically.

Even with insurance, my husband’s and my prescription costs, have tripled over the past 3 years. Our copay has tripled in amount. I look at the small business owners, farmers, ranchers, and I know that most do not have insurance that covers prescriptions, if they have any insurance at all. What choices are they having to make. Keep an employee or buy the drugs your body needs to function. How’s that for a choice.

Something needs to be done! Sorting out what to do, and actually accomplishing positive change is the challenge.

Difficult enough without all the propaganda, and outright lies, as well as fear-mongering, those opposed to ethical treatment of all US residents are broadcasting every which way.

Party Politics seriously needs to be put aside for the good of the Nation as a whole. Do I see that happening? Unfortunately no I do not. The ironic thing is, that I used to be a Republician. At this point I am totally disgusted with the self serving manipulative behavior this political party has exhibited.

No Longer a Republican!

By the way, yes I did vote for Obama. Is he going to be able to work miracles. Get a grip people, of course he isn’t. Is he going to be able to make a difference? He already has. I don’t know how much he is actually going to be able to accomplish while in office; but he has set the ball in motion. It is a major challenge for any President to accomplish major change in this country due to the unmitigated party politics that always seems to ensue.

Every dirty trick in the book is usually pulled out and tested to see if it will work to trip up the process for change. Sad commentary on those utilizing such tactics! Honor obviously does not come into play in their political, business, or personal policies.

Yes I am a natural born U.S. citizen. Yes I love my country. This is my physical home. Yes I am disgusted with some of the unethical practices I’ve observed over the years. Both in the private and public sectors.

Here is another thought. Licensing for doctors, nurses, cna’s, dentists, insurance agents, etc should be on a national basis. Not by individual state. Why? To keep the licensing requirements consistent across the country, and to flag unscrupulous individuals.

Just a thought or two…

Life is a journey, engaging your brain changes the view…

Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream in Wyoming
Beautiful Pomeranians
Independent Beachbody Coach: Fighting Obesity One Person at a Time
307.788.0202

Forgiveness: How to let go of grudges and bitterness

This Post is reposted from the Mayo Clinic Site

mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge or embrace forgiveness and move forward. By Mayo Clinic staff

Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D.

Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Your mother criticized your parenting skills. Your friend gossiped about you. Your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness and even vengeance.

But when you don’t practice forgiveness, you may be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Here, Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D., staff chaplain at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn., discusses forgiveness and how it can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

What is forgiveness?

There’s no one definition of forgiveness. But in general, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentments and thoughts of revenge. Forgiveness is the act of untying yourself from thoughts and feelings that bind you to the offense committed against you. This can reduce the power these feelings otherwise have over you, so that you can a live freer and happier life in the present. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Doesn’t forgiving someone mean you’re forgetting or condoning what happened?

Absolutely not! Forgiving isn’t the same as forgetting what happened to you. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life. But forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Researchers have recently become interested in studying the effects of being unforgiving and being forgiving. Evidence is mounting that holding on to grudges and bitterness results in long-term health problems. Forgiveness, on the other hand, offers numerous benefits, including:

• Lower blood pressure
• Stress reduction
• Less hostility
• Better anger management skills
• Lower heart rate
• Lower risk of alcohol or substance abuse
• Fewer depression symptoms
• Fewer anxiety symptoms
• Reduction in chronic pain
• More friendships
• Healthier relationships
• Greater religious or spiritual well-being
• Improved psychological well-being

Why do we hold grudges and become resentful and unforgiving?

The people most likely to hurt us are those closest to us — our partners, friends, siblings and parents. When we’re hurt by someone we love and trust — whether it’s a lie, betrayal, rejection, abuse or insult — it can be extremely difficult to overcome. And even minor offenses can turn into huge conflicts.

When you experience hurt or harm from someone’s actions or words, whether this is intended or not, you may begin experiencing negative feelings such as anger, confusion or sadness, especially when it’s someone close to you. These feelings may start out small. But if you don’t deal with them quickly, they can grow bigger and more powerful. They may even begin to crowd out positive feelings. Grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility take root when you dwell on hurtful events or situations, replaying them in your mind many times.

Soon, you may find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. You may feel trapped and may not see a way out. It’s very hard to let go of grudges at this point and instead you may remain resentful and unforgiving.

How do I know it’s time to try to embrace forgiveness?

When we hold on to pain, old grudges, bitterness and even hatred, many areas of our lives can suffer. When we’re unforgiving, it’s we who pay the price over and over. We may bring our anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Our lives may be so wrapped up in the wrong that we can’t enjoy the present. Other signs that it may be time to consider forgiveness include:

• Dwelling on the events surrounding the offense
• Hearing from others that you have a chip on your shoulder or that you’re wallowing in self-pity
• Being avoided by family and friends because they don’t enjoy being around you
• Having angry outbursts at the smallest perceived slights
• Often feeling misunderstood
• Drinking excessively, smoking or using drugs to try to cope with your pain
• Having symptoms of depression or anxiety
• Being consumed by a desire for revenge or punishment
• Automatically thinking the worst about people or situations
• Regretting the loss of a valued relationship
• Feeling like your life lacks meaning or purpose
• Feeling at odds with your religious or spiritual beliefs

The bottom line is that you may often feel miserable in your current life.

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. It can be difficult and it can take time. Everyone moves toward forgiveness a little differently. One step is to recognize the value of forgiveness and its importance in our lives at a given time. Another is to reflect on the facts of the situation, how we’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected our lives, our health and our well-being. Then, as we are ready, we can actively choose to forgive the one who has offended us. In this way, we move away from our role as a victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in our lives.

Forgiveness also means that we change old patterns of beliefs and actions that are driven by our bitterness. As we let go of grudges, we’ll no longer define our lives by how we’ve been hurt, and we may even find compassion and understanding.

What happens if I can’t forgive someone?

Forgiveness can be very challenging. It may be particularly hard to forgive someone who doesn’t admit wrong or doesn’t speak of their sorrow. Keep in mind that the key benefits of forgiveness are for you. If you find yourself stuck, it may be helpful to take some time to talk with a person you’ve found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider or an unbiased family member or friend.

It may also be helpful to reflect on times you’ve hurt others and on those who have forgiven you. As you recall how you felt, it may help you to understand the position of the person who hurt you. It can also be beneficial to pray, use guided meditation or journal. In any case, if the intention to forgive is present, forgiveness will come in its time.

Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation?

Not always. In some cases, reconciliation may be impossible because the offender has died. In other cases, reconciliation may not be appropriate, especially if you were attacked or assaulted. But even in those cases, forgiveness is still possible, even if reconciliation isn’t.

On the other hand, if the hurtful event involved a family member or friend whose relationship you otherwise value, forgiveness may lead to reconciliation. This may not happen quickly, as you both may need time to re-establish trust. But in the end, your relationship may very well be one that is rich and fulfilling.

What if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I don’t want to?

These situations are difficult. If the hurt involves a family member, it may not always be possible to avoid him or her entirely. You may be invited to the same family holiday gatherings, for instance. If you’ve reached a state of forgiveness, you may be able to enjoy these gatherings without bringing up the old hurts. If you haven’t reached forgiveness, these gatherings may be tense and stressful for everyone, particularly if other family members have chosen sides in the conflict.

So how do you handle this? First, remember that you do have a choice whether to attend or not attend family get-togethers. Respect yourself and do what seems best. If you choose to go, don’t be surprised by a certain amount of awkwardness and perhaps even more intense feelings. It’s important to keep an eye on those feelings. You don’t want them to lead you to be unjust or unkind in return for what was done to you.

Also, avoid drinking too much alcohol as a way to try to numb your feelings or feel better — it’ll likely backfire. And keep an open heart and mind. People do change, and perhaps the offender will want to apologize or make amends. You also may find that the gathering helps you to move forward with forgiveness.

How do I know when I’ve truly forgiven someone?

Forgiveness may result in sincerely spoken words such as “I forgive you” or tender actions that fit the relationship. But more than this, forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. The offense is no longer front and center in your thoughts or feelings. Your hostility, resentment and misery have made way for compassion, kindness and peace.

Also, remember that forgiveness often isn’t a one-time thing. It begins with a decision, but because memories or another set of words or actions may trigger old feelings, you may need to recommit to forgiveness over and over again.

What if the person I’m forgiving doesn’t change?

Getting the other person to change their actions, behavior or words isn’t the point of forgiveness. In fact, the other person may never change or apologize for the offense. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you more peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing.

Forgiveness takes away the power the other person continues to wield in your life. Through forgiveness, you choose to no longer define yourself as a victim. Forgiveness is done primarily for yourself, and less so for the person who wronged you.

What if I’m the one who needs forgiveness?

It may help to spend some time thinking about the offense you’ve committed and trying to determine the effect it has had on others. Unless it may cause more harm or distress, consider admitting the wrong you’ve done to those you’ve harmed, speaking of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically asking for forgiveness — without making excuses.

But if this seems unwise because it may further harm or distress, don’t do it — it’s not about making yourself feel better by apologizing. You don’t want to add salt to a painful wound. Also, keep in mind that you can’t force someone to forgive you. They will need to move to forgiveness in their own time.

In any case, we have to be willing to forgive ourselves. Holding on to resentment against yourself can be just as toxic as holding on to resentment against someone else. Recognize that poor behavior or mistakes don’t make you worthless or bad.

Accept the fact that you — like everyone else — aren’t perfect. Accept yourself despite your faults. Admit your mistakes. Commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect. And again, talking with a spiritual leader, mental health provider or trusted friend or relative may be helpful.

Forgiveness of yourself or someone else, though not easy, can transform your life. Instead of dwelling on the injustice and revenge, instead of being angry and bitter, you can move toward a life of peace, compassion, mercy, joy and kindness.

Forgiveness: How to let go of grudges and bitterness – MayoClinic.com

*****

I found this post to be interesting and useful, I hope it is useful to you as well. Heading into the holiday season; old hurts and such tend to resurface. Perhaps this will help to make the holidays more of a celebration than a trial by fire.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream in Wyoming
Beautiful Pomeranians
Independent Beachbody Coach: Fighting Obesity One Person at a Time
307.788.0202

Another 3 Pounds Gone!

Monday I got on the scale. Lost one pound from monday to monday. weighed 279. Did my wed weigh today. Dropped 3 more lbs. 276. That’s 9 lbs down since october 5th, 23 lbs total down for the yr. 27 lbs left for my 50 lb goal this yr! rockin it off… Shakeology, Hip Hop Abs, Turbo Jam, journaling my food intake. Whoo Hoo! makin it happen!
Team Beachbody® Coach Mary Robbins | BeachbodyCoach.com/ROBBINSRUN

The Wisdom to Know the Difference:

So many of us feel responsible for everything. That’s what I said, every friggin thing. Hello folks some things are out of our control. The thing is to live proactively, rather than feeling guilty about something you could not have done anything about anyway, and being beaten and knocked about living reactively.

Am I talking to myself as well, oh yeah. Of course I am. Don’t all writers…lol. This life is a wonderful gift to be appreciated and enjoyed. Not a curse to be slogged through and endured. The same circumstance can surround 2 different people, with to totally different effects on their lives. What makes the difference?

Each person’s attitude. The winds blow on all of us, it’s up to us how we set our sails.

Came across this article on beliefnet. Enjoy.

Living the Serenity Prayer:
By Eileen Flanagan

Many of us know and love the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant us serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

Many of us spend too much time anxious about things we cannot change: the economy, the weather, traffic on the freeway, or people who annoy us. As a result, we don’t have the energy to make the most of the opportunities we do have. Recognizing the difference between what we can and cannot change can help us live more peaceful and productive lives.

Acknowledge Your Conditioning

Some people have a harder time with the first line of the Serenity Prayer, accepting the things they cannot change, while others have a harder time mustering the courage to change what they can. Often these patterns can be traced to family or cultural conditioning. Reflect on the messages you received growing up. Were you expected to be passive and submit to what others wanted? Were you trained to be in control, so that letting go is more difficult for you today? Sometimes just acknowledging your family or social conditioning can help you to let go of old patterns that are no longer serving you.

Pay Attention to Your Inner Voice

When you get a feeling that something isn’t right, pay attention. That may be a sign of something you need to change. We human beings have a tremendous ability to deny our inner truths or talk ourselves out of making changes that might seem scary or difficult at first, but usually we know what is right deep down. Pay special attention to intuitions that persist over time or that come with a sense of peace and clarity. The more you pay attention to your Inner Voice, the more clearly it will guide you.

Know Yourself

Many spiritual traditions teach that knowing yourself is a lifelong pursuit, but one that can help you feel more at peace with yourself and other people. Spending time alone—walking in the woods, meditating, or journaling—can put you in touch with what’s really going on inside you. When you acknowledge these feelings, you can make a conscious choice about what to accept and what to change, rather than letting yourself be ruled by unconscious feelings.

Learn from Your Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes, but many of us waste too much energy beating ourselves up over them. While psychologists have not agreed on one standard definition of wisdom, they do agree that one of the qualities wise people share is the ability to learn from their mistakes. When things don’t go the way you hoped, instead of focusing on what you did wrong or what someone else did to mess things up, think about what you might do differently next time.

Cultivate Optimism

Monitor your pessimistic thoughts and try to find evidence to refute them. Psychologists have found it is particularly helpful to censor categorical words like “never” from your thinking. Just because something didn’t work out last time, that doesn’t mean it won’t work next time. Instead of simply repeating positive affirmations, point out to yourself the things that you can do to bring a more positive result in the future. Cultivating optimism has been shown to make it much more likely you’ll be able to change the things you can, as well as accept the things you can’t.

Practice Letting Go

Life is full of opportunities to let go and trust. Practice with the little things: a lost earring, a flat tire, or an uncooperative toddler. In such situations, take a deep breath and monitor your thoughts. If you are angry or frustrated, don’t pretend you are not. Just observe your own emotion, and then see if you can release it with a deep breath. For many people, prayer helps. Turning a problem over to a Higher Power can bring tremendous relief.

Cultivate Community

Whether it’s a religious congregation, a Twelve-Step group, or just a gang of really good friends, community can help us develop wisdom. We need people who will tell us when we’re acting wimpy or pigheaded, as well as point out our strengths and encourage them. We also need people who will support us when we hit tough times and cheer for us when we succeed. If you don’t have such support in your life, think about where you might be able to find it. If you do have people like that, count them among your blessings.

The Wisdom to Know the Difference – Living the Serenity Prayer – Beliefnet.com

Shared via AddThis
Eileen Flanagan is the author of The Wisdom to Know the Difference: When to Make a Change–and When to Let Go. Visit her website EileenFlanagan.com

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream in Wyoming
Happy Healthy Hairballs: otherwise known as Pomeranians
Independent Beachbody Coach: Fighting Obesity one Person at a Time.

Epiphany!

(This post is related to the 30 day project from the Ed Severance Blog: Rewire the Damaged Hardware post)

30 Days to change the way I think: to rewire the damaged hardware.

Hmmmm. What would be the foremost, the optimum thing to change. To truly create the life I want to live. God has given me the ability to create the life I know I want to be living!

Ok, so what am I working on? The list seems insurmountable. Goes on and on adinfanitum. Bits of this and bits of that, list after list. Truth be told all of it fits under a couple of points. One word is the major player. So what is it? It is: F-E-A-R. That’s it fear. Such a small little word, only four small letters to have such a huge impact on so many people’s lives. Yes I know I’m not alone in this.

Ok, so the list of fears could go on and on. Big fears, little fears, erotic fears, infinitesimal fears, probably a few psychotic fears.

So what is the heading, or umbrella that all these fears are running around under? What is it?! It’s not fear of failure. Failure is a very safe place to hide. It’s not fear of fat. A fat suit is another safe place to hide. Fear of discovery. The fear that you may see who I really am.
Nah, I’ve pretty much put that out there. Amazingly enough I actually like myself. Fat a** and all.

Ok so what is it. What has been tripping me up for so many years. The self sabotage queen. Grrr. Truth be told it really pisses me off. You know what? I do know what it is. I actually do. Ok so what is it?! It’s Fear of success. Not fear of failure. Fear of Success.

Fear of reaching my goals and finding the reward to be an empty thing indeed. If you don’t open that bright shiny door, you can’t find out that there is nothing there.

Ok so now I know what it is. Now what do I do about it. What is success really? Ask 50 different people that question and you’ll get 50 different answers. So what does that say? It says that success is something different to each person.

Ok, so what is success to me? Stripped of all the pomp and circumstance, just the bare bones of it. What is success to me?

• Is it being a millionaire? Nope, although that can be a side effect. Note the can be, not always is.
• Is it losing 150 pounds? No
• Is it being married for nearly 20 years, and actually still loving your partner? Nope
• Is it owning multiple homes? Nope
• Is it completing a marathon? Nope
• Is it graduating from university? Nope

Ok, this list of questions could go on forever. So what is it and why have I been tripping over it.

First what is success to me: It is a mindset. A way of being, a way of living.

Ok, it’s true. This is a relatively new definition of success for me. Over the years my definition of success or a successful person has changed dramatically.

In the past my definition of success was wealth. As in monetary wealth. Over the years I have found that definition to be false. There are some extremely wealthy people that are not successful. Wealth can be a nice benefit of success, but it is not success. If it were it would be an empty thing indeed.

At one point I defined success as career achievement. Then I looked around at executives defrauding people, and their life’s work disappearing before their eyes. False housing booms, and manipulated stock markets. And I thought this is not success.

I looked at marathoners, gymnasts, football players, Olympians. Medal winners, and thought perhaps that was success. Only to observe the dissatisfaction in so many of their lives, and thought this is not success.

I’ve watched churches turn in on themselves and spew venom and hatred in the name of their God; and I thought this is not success either.

And I wondered is all naught? Do I even want to be successful? Not by those definitions I don’t. Seriously, what’s the point? Emptiness and self loathing ala carte. Thanks anyway I’ll pass. Been there done that. Over it.

It’s not fear of success per se. It’s fear that I’ll achieve financial, physical, religious, whatever success and find it to be an empty barren thing. The fear that I’ll become a cardboard cutout of who I actually am. Empty of life other than desolation and rage. Look around they are all over the place. Here and there you see the cardboard rip and they unload an Uzi on everyone around them. Wouldn’t have to be an Uzi, an emptied milk jug with a few common household chemicals would be just as effective if not more so. Enough said, I’m not going there.

Ok so how do I untie my hands, so to speak? How do I stop the self sabotage and allow myself to follow through on some projects I find interesting.

That is the question. So what is the answer? Thinking, pondering, fingers are twitching with the urge to write something.

The answer, you do realize that each person’s answer is individual. Yes? So what is my answer. Tapping on the mouse, waiting for words to come. Concept is there, now to get it into actual words.

Success is a mindset. A way of being, a way of living.

Yeah ok, so success is a mindset, a way of being a way of living. Big woop, what is the practical application of that?

Ok, here goes. Rather than letting your wealth, or lack thereof, work, athletic prowess, religious endeavors, life events, happenings, relationships, whatever you encounter in your journey through this life define who you are; what you are, whether you are a success or failure in this life, you define your life, rather than the events in your life defining you.

Clear as mud?

Be who you are.

I am that I am. I am at peace within myself, I appreciate the beauty of each day. I live now, fully in each moment that occurs. I accept and love myself as I am, therefore I am free to love others.

As such, I am a success, my life is successful.

I am no longer in bondage, I am free.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.

Mary E. Robbins

Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream in Wyoming
Happy Healthy Hairballs: Otherwise Known as Pomeranians
Independent Beachbody Coach: Fighting Obesity One Person at a Time
307.788.0202

Whoo Hoo! Lost a total of 5 pounds this week.

Whoo Hoo! Lost a total of 5 pounds this week. Journaling what I eat and doing the ranch workout. Rockin it baby. Been logging into Beachbody and the online gym all week too! Whoo Hoo! I did measure, unfortunately I did not have any change in the measurements that I did. That will come. I didn’t do hip hop abs or any other dvd workout this past week. I will be adding some back in this week; in addition to slogging about in the snow…lol… I overloaded and crashed a couple of weeks ago. So am being a bit more conservative.

Frankly I do not have the time to crash. So a consistent build is for me rather than a total overload. I’ve been watching the Biggest Loser. It would be great to be able to put hours into the gym. However I am not living on the Biggest Loser Ranch. I am living on Robbins Run Ranch, so a big part of my day is taking care of business here. Frankly I am pretty excited about a 5 pound loss. Whoo Hoo! Kind of giddy actually at the prospect of meeting my 50 pound weight loss goal for the year. It’s really happening! I am really doing it! One day, one step, one pound at a time.

Keeping the food journal has been a boon. (a good thing) Writing things down actually calls to mind what is being eaten; and has helped in the change in mindset towards food. I am eating now because I am hungry, not out of frustration, anger, stress, boredom, etc. Anger does still trigger an urge to eat but not an uncontrollable one. 

I am using Shakeology. It is excellent when I workout first thing in the morning. Mix it up and have it after my workout. It helps in muscle recovery and keeps my energy level up. Not psycho buzzing up, as in a speed overload. But healthy, cognitive, good frame of mind for a productive day up. Lol…

It makes an excellent breakfast for me when I’ve worked out early a.m.

The hunger monster has been jumping on my back in the evenings. I think I’m going to try out the Shakeology for my evening snack or dinner. See how that works out with the growling stomach at night…lol. Really do not want to eat for a couple of hours before bedtime. But having that protein, vitamin and mineral boost in the evening will give my body the protein and nutrients it needs to replenish itself while I am sleeping.

Want to get into a stretching routine before bed. Not set in stone, but a good stretching routine at the end of the day would be excellent for my body.

Yes I want the fat off, but I do not want to be a flappy skin monster either. So stretching and working out is a must.

It’s a glorious Day outside! We’ve had over a foot of snow fall this last go around. Between the last 2 days of snow it is knee deep in most places around the ranch. Absolutely great for the pastures. It amazes me how much the amount of snow fall can vary over just a few miles. I believe there were 6 or 8 inches in Torrington. Or maybe that was 6 or 8 additional inches. I’m not sure. The actual town of Torrington is about 17 miles from us.

It was so calm outside this morning. Just beautiful calm, no wind at all. It’s 26 degrees out and feels warm to me, because of the lack of wind. Totally amazing. The hairballs are out playing in the snow having a grand time. The doors we put on the calf hutches really worked well. The houses are warm and dry inside. Gives the hairballs a great dry place to play after bouncing around out in the snow.

Keep in mind folks, unless your pets are acclimated to the weather they can become hypothermic just like you can. I’m loving it outside but I’ve been out in it. So going outside in calm weather at 26 degrees doesn’t feel cold to me.

If/when the wind picks up the wind chill will drop body temps in a hurry without adequate protection. Translated it will freeze you to death in a hurry. Your pets too.

I’ve been pretty happy with my snow ranch workouts. As in slogging through knee deep snow. Dragging 100 ft of water hose and feed tubs. But I pace myself and have been working out in it. Pay attention to your body or you will give yourself a heart attack.

As in from the couch directly to the sidewalk shoveling snow if you have not been active at all. Pace yourself people. The early winter round of heart attacks are waiting in the wings; so to speak. Be smart, take care of that body you are living in. It’s the only one you have.

Have a glorious day!

Life is a journey, I am enjoying the trip.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream in Wyoming
Beautiful Pomeranians
Independent Beachbody Coach: Fighting Obesity one Person at a Time.